Txt madness

Jeremy
lol.I have a feeling you'd be afraid that life could pass you by bc someone was holding you back. i think you just need a very particular kind of women.
Michelle
I have an opinion if you want to hear it.
Jeremy
lol. a particular kind of lady, indeed. there's one someplace. probably bathing naked on the pacific crest trail or something.
Taryn
I've been over it. Never was mad inthe first place. Just bored. Indifferent.
Karli
Ok. Keep me posted :)
Taryn
Would be or will be?
Lindsay
Thanks darlin'! We're playing on friday at the morgue if you wanna come down :]
Beth
Were having an 80's party this sat, you must come!
Taryn
Call me tonight so I can figure out the details of my weekend
Merideth
What was up with the text last night
Rachel
Hehehe I was gonna say 'whats the occasion?" hehehe where to? I'm down
Jen
Did you want to go watch the game? I think I'm going to do downtown and watch it
Karli
How was your massage
Shelly
Gonna go out and get into trouble in that?
Karli
If you changed your minda bout inviting me out just let me know so I can make other plans
Rascal
being a nice guy is a good thing.... not all hot chicks like assholes.
Trust me , I like hot geeks
Merideth
Gotcha- is this girl from up where bryan lives
Karli
Nah i'm good. Putting my dresser together. Thanks tho!
Which I wish I could get video. Lol butter knifes are like duct tape. Work for everything
Merideth
K I can't keep up
Shelly
Hell yea when I get back into town we need to hang out lol
Merideth
Whatever I should get a huge box of condom so u will be safe
Jen
Not sure about noc non, I was thinking about making break tonight
Shelly
Haha does bp not include beer inyour universe?:-) granted i play with mix drinks
Merideth
Well that is good u know I have to put out there considering what I do for work
k good
Karli
What are you wearing to noc noc?
Shelly
Lol I missed the kidding the fuirst read through and was like whaaaaaat. Then was like no this man is high
Karli
Shut your face. Ur Really wearing teh tux? lol. Thats awesome
Pam
Fabulous picture! That woudlbe fun... I always wanted to check out the fourth over the water there too. Sadly never madeit. What's on the agenda tonight?
Daphne
Cute. What's going on this week?
Karli
Lol. Amazing. Whats the dress attire at this place? Thats what I''m looking for. Is it casual? Jeans, t-shirt, wedding dress, sweats, ball gown?
Daphne
What the fuck?!?! Thanks for telling me. To who?!
Pam
Lol and and how are you feeling about beings et up and shopped for
Jennie
K I'll see you shorly
Severina
Black ;)
Karli
:/ dressy w/ a goth twist. Interesting. Thanks btw
Shelly
Don't scare me like that making think you have gone crazy square and not your hippie self
Karli
Really? Did you really just send that. Lol
Sarah
How ever she wants!
Mike
Any chance you an run the black mower in the front? Thanks
Karli
Can I make a small request?
Sarah
are you rocking the tux?
Karli
Wondering if u wouldn't mind meeting me at my place and going w/ me. I have no clue where i'm going.
Bridget
Wat's-a-happenin'?
Karli
Booo! I'm so bored. Wish i was there.
Karli
You have a what? omg im so jealous! I've wanted one for years.
:)
Taryn
Ur a tard
Ben
Are the girls going with?
Karli
I'm going to call it a night
Severina
On our way!
Sarah
Waiting for sev to pick me up, shes on her way now...we should be there in 20 mins! ;)
Jennie
Hey thanks for letting me see the house. I found a place that fits my needs a little better (fenced yard for my puppy). good luck finding a new roomie!
Lulu
Hi nick. Is it cool if u meet up w us after the concert? Would you b able 2 drive so I can get my bike outta of ur truck? Ill buy you a drink if you do :)
Taryn
So im thinking it would b easier if I spent the night at your house on friday night. Are you gonna skip rehersal dinner?
Pam
Lol always a plus
Shelly
Sup
Taryn
Ok. Afterwork on sat can we r goin straigt to pride then yes?
Or do you have to go to jesses show? Kim just txt me about it. How long is it? We have to meet ariel and tom
Either way. Ariel and tom take forever anyway. how long is jesses show?
Kenzie
I have a show tomorrow at julias on broadway at 4-6. Free and in the beer garden!
Shelly
nice where you wera it yesterday
Heidi
Busy night! Beer? or bbq food? Nothing? Something? :)
Adam
Hi Nic how r u? I have text now so txt away
Pride in NY, la was a few weekends ago. Suked. Things are good. Busy as hell. Glad that we can chat now bcit's soo hard fore to talk on tele
Shelly
What place
Adam
Z galerie, internship and school. Nothingt o exciting or strenuous. u? Ohhh I live by runyon now
Taryn
Uhhh... that woudl be great but i'm coming up w lu and we're leaving depending on baby daddy schedule. Boo. I don't know y i have to suffer, I didn't shout out a kid :(
Karli
What are u up to?
Shelly
Nice super jealous can not wait til october, just bought a ninja turtle belt buckle

this is me being kinda lazy....
I should have done this for my meltdown,
but I enjoy the pleasant aftermath I'm in now.

Duality

of all the emotions bouncing around

my brain

no one really sticks

there is anger

frustration

then introspection

do i really need to loosen up

am i vanilla

when she says she is

am i to take anything seriously

or do i already

i have enjoyed the company

the solitary quiet

the boiling rage

the sweaty jostling

a soft giggle

a hard slap

taken all together

viewed with hindsight

fun overall

I laugh at the ridiculous

the pain

the shrieks of pleasure

like Vegas or Disney

numerous sensations

rolled up into a package

though

not as gimmicky

i shudder at the feeling inside

I wonder........

is this a path of madness

righteousness??

now a break

self reflection

meditate

what do i want??

am i a man swimming in chains

slowly wearing down

a quiet empty abyss

yawning to pull me down

suck me to its depths

they say drowning is a return

in utero

9 months getting out,

a lifetime getting back in.

My tail twitches in amusement.

My new tryst

Erotic arts,

Joose loosed,

a day of insight,

translates into

conversation starters.

Swans and flowers in sync,

she sees 1st love,

infatuation,

twitterpation.

That shiny gleam,

the new relationship smell.

She sees me.

I charm my way,

back to her friends,

a night flies by,

I sleep for 10 minutes,

rush home,

work like a zombie,

home to nap.

SEAF to reconnect.

Find a meat head on her arm.

Disappointment.

I wander,

meet new friends,

pop a pill for sensory enhancement.

Help heel abused feet,

network.

I woman climaxes under my touch,

under two writhing 'friends.'

Run into Taryn,

reconnect,

sort out the 'date' situation.

My confidence is resolved.

Until....

she is making out with him and her.

I go with the open spirit of the night.

Knowing who she will end it with.

Hoping.

Lose Taryn

at least its to her friends.

still....

I find the other her,

work my reflex magic,

'Would I be too forward asking for your number?'

Plans of a menois a troi- step 1.

Prove my skill.

Show the date.

She is disturbed by my demon eyes.

Home bound.

Reconnect,

bring home for another sleepless night.

At least I had foresight.

Work and rally North.

Disturb another roommate.

Road rage fueled drive home.

One day later and I'm back.

hooked...mutually.

Runaways,

comics,

baked salmon,

Claw marks,

music,

past proclivities revealed,

she's shocked I'm not.

Hedonist,

choking,

yelled at for sleeping.

I explain human physiology.

Wake up blissed and marked.

Plan the next few days of varied adventures.

A strange slumber

Another drunk night,

in a drunk week.

Meeting up with friends,

over beers.

End up at the Duchess again.

She Ra getting more compliments

than Cody.

Too Optimated.

Pretty girls caught my eyes,

I did not catch theirs.

Came home to pass out.

Woke up at 6am,

fully clothed,

on top of the blankets,

pounded some water,

a couple advil,

took the dogs out,

passed out again.

A dream,

a man backing over She Ra,

me busting him in the face.

Cops come as he laughs,

I swing the brake lock into his temple.

A killer blow that does no good.

I then realize I have assault,

to explain to the cops.

Woke up with a start.

Good thing it was a dream.

A life of [wasted] potential

I have a vision.
It isn't in a city,
there isn't a membership,
beyond those of a rich lifestyle.
I come across another retreat.
So exclusive,
you can't even apply online.
resumes are only accepting
on the rarest of parchment,
written in gold and saint blood.
I've always been a dreamer.
Envisioning myself places.
Either I've never made it,
or reality always falls short.
I know I am not proactive enough.
The hardest part of the journey is the beginning.
I think of giving up altogether.
Resigning to my normalcy.
I am not special.
I do not deserve to life I want.
Suck it up.
Work a job.
Pay the bills.
Die.
More often I just want to skip to step four.
What holds back the knife,
the gun,
the pills,
the ledge?
Connections?
The sadness such a selfish acts brings.
Because we all live in shit.
My ancestors suffered far worse.
Ambitions we simple,
a plot of land,
a fire to warm the bones,
a plate of food to fill the stomach.
Or is it the possibilities?
The adventures.
The road yet to travel.
A combination of the two.
Yet people also hold me back.
She-Ra holds me back.
So I think.
Or is it just another excuse,
something to blame,
other than my apathy.
I just found you can apply.
No blank forms,
just an email address.
An opportunity to set myself apart.
No gold type needed.
Just data and Easterday charm.

What if?

One of my favorite comic series Marvel did was the 'What if?...." line. The premise was about slightly tweaking the storyline of various superhero's, like What if Gwen Stacey hadn't been killed by the Green Goblin? What if Doctor Doom was a part of the Fantastic Four? It is still an ongoing series but with tweaks of story arcs I have no clue about, ergo how could I appreciate the subtle change.
I started thinking about this tonight after a conversation with Yesenia [the current... ??... girlfriend...?] about how if she didn't have a baby and had a job/car our relationship would be more than it's current once-weekly conjugal visit. This got me thinking because I've oft thought she probably wouldn't have given me a 2nd glance were she not in her current situation.
This got my mind going at full speed thinking of the numerous other "what if" situations throughout my life.
There are of course the countless financial ones I dwell on... especially as I am eeking out an existence- 'What if I hadn't quit Walgreens before going to Thailand?' Then I would have come back to a job and and decent income while I slowly made the transition from WAG Asst Mgr to massage therapist extraordinaire. Would I still be in LA because I was making a good dual income? Would I have taken that money and developed a nasty coke habit? Would Paul have finally introduced me to Kevin Nealon? Would I have eventually worked at the Playboy mansion and gain my notoriety? Then I have to think of the converse. It was due to how little I was making at Escape combined with the high cost of living in Redondo Beach that led me to Tamarack, one of the best experiences of my working life. Then I wouldn't be able to say I use to snowmobile/kayak to work.... where I massaged celebrities, met the first girl I said I love you, and meant it. Also I wouldn't have had that whole world eventually shattered.
Here's a biggie-- What if my parents were of my mindset when they were in college? Then I sure as shit wouldn't be writing this because I would be a particularly heavy period after my mom ingested whatever pills of the days caused abortion. I never really thought of the true ramifications of such a decision until I found out in high school I could have had a sibling.... Still wouldn't have a kid, not now for damn sure.
What if... the car that hit me in 7th grade had been a truck? Assuming I wasn't turned into road burger I doubt I would have escaped with only a concussion and sprained ankle. It's science!! Maybe a little geometry as you factor in the angle and height of the car that allowed me roll up the hood vs. the blunt impact.
What if I had become paralyzed from the waist down, like Jess my girlfriend [who I just found out didn't consider us that] that 1st summer back from college. I wouldn't have started snowboarding in 9th grade. Perhaps I would have read even more [though I don't know how that could have been possible... I read all the time], delved further into video games and comics because my parents would sympathise with my wants to compensate for my lack of legs. Would I have been less dark and macabre like I was high school. Would I have instead focused on activism and inclusion of minorities.
There are so many potential paths that could have spiraled out of that instant. I was thinking about this will Jess... she couldn't enjoy a lot of the things I do, with me. No hikes up to alpine lakes, no last night skinny dipping in the ocean, no Ankor Wat or those damned inevitable Mayan temples!!
It's interesting to think of myself as solely cerebral. There wouldn't be the internal debates between staying in to read and type or going for a bike ride or camping.
Maybe I would have partied more!!
"Hey I'm a cripple... give me those pain killers and hookers to make me feel good about my sad lot in life!" Which would of course be a total scheme 'cause I would be feeling pretty fucking good with all the sympathy drugs and pussy...[like midgets] assuming all the plumbing didn't get fucked up [maybe like midgets].

....Well this has been a fun walk down fantasy lane. When it comes down to it though what is the point of suppositions? What happened, happened and your making your history every second... Time and thought should factor past actions when considering future ones. Why dwell when you could compel... propel?? What the hell?

Love/lust/apathy

I question motivation. Dad told me the trouble, the commitment, sticking your dick in, will bring. There are diseases. Pregnancy. But worse still- Emotional attachment. I get it. I really do. The coital bliss. The sense of connection Tantra means to extend. But this time, she ruined the mood. Talk of.... nonsense. Ex's. Mine and hers. Moments after the fact. I still question her motivations. After another $50+ bar tab. What sort of ride, is she looking to take. When details go in one ear out the other. Repeated questions. Imply lack of initial interest. Does she suffer from PGS [Pretty Girl Syndrome] With all the usual symptoms- turns heads, poor conversation skills,
expensive tastes. She asked, numerous times, my sign, Aquarius. [bow down bitches!!] She asked what that means. Recall Emma's magnet- aloof, unattached, unemotional... Some would say bad attributes. I say good survival skills. While all apply. At times. Opposite is true. Now I see possibilities. Hopefully a kink or two. No adoption papers. Once again leading a girl on? Though she already seems prepared. After last night, I see the problems, connections bring.

Family or otherwise. Hopefully no cops get called this time.