on and on....

Today
t- Ur still comin tonight right?
me- of course. I feel bad enough you waited this long. Plus I was going to do a couple massages.
t- What do massages have to do with anything?

to which a reply is pointless.

Blood, Weddings, Breakdown/up

A weekend started with good intentions,
A concert to share.
Ruined by an empty stomach
and a half gal of whiskey.
The true price of drinking.
$130 hula hoop gone.
GF pissed and crying,
show she waited for,
2, 3, 4, months [?]
$22 concert not remembered.
$70 she spent on....?
Gay pride,
makes me think I was roofied.
'Cept I know I was sole culprit.
Sat spent making up.
Roses, wine, sushi, a new dress.
Wedding rehearsal,
picked up after she rallied around,
a quite night with a movie,
I fell asleep.
Mind you,
this was the full moon night.
Sunday---
[insert ominous music]
work,
left early for wedding,
pictures,
obligations,
ceremony,
unknown blood.
Traumatized girl,
a quick change of clothes,
short off my back,
used.
Already red.
Then,
open bar.
Chatty old men,
jealous,
dancing me.
Drunker and drunker,
Hotel,
Ford fornication,
squeeky rack,
passed out make out,
but not with me,
slapped and jacked.
Running away,
into the night,
pass out in truck,
a beacon...
of fultility.
No bluff.
Left everything.
Dead me,
expected calamity.
At least she waited.
An end to the madness?

Now- her words.
yoga studio, check. Trapoline, check. lawnmower, check. Front lawn, check. Ur room, check. My room, check. Ferry boat, check. Am I missing anywhere?
Well I need everything I left in your truck.
Lulu- She's home asleep :)
So when can I expect my shit back? I have your id. Im holding it hostage.
And your little friend gary can eat a dick. I'm sure he's enjoy it. Biggest asshole ive met so far.
Worst fucking weekend ever. really. Couldnt have been shittier. Thank you. Did I forget to thank you? How rude of me.Had nothing to do with u? Wow. Really. Whatever nick. It is what it is all I care about it getting everything I left at your house and in ur car back.
Seriously. When can I get my fucking things?
[call to get Stephen's side]
Ok. Well loren is more than happy to come down and collect them but I dont think u really want that.
Fine. Please make sure u get EVERYTHING of mine. I really really dont want to have to ask for anything you left behind.
[try calling again cause my thumb was getting tired]
Theres about nothin to talk about.
Im gonna need my shit sooner than thursday. My life is in that bag and thursday is four days away.
Oh please. U didnt even know him. u had ask him his namewhen you got to the room earlier that day and he just kissed me. Calm the fuck down. Its not like we're even exclusive. And I didnt get my stuff cuz it was ur house. I didnt want to go all the way there not knowing if anyone was home.
[note- I lived with him, have known him for almost a year. We had talked about being exclusive. AND she has my roommates number and could have called him.]
I have nothing more to say to u [obviously] so u can stop calling me. I just want my shit back. Then im done. [that makes two]
What are you talking about? I didnt steal anything.
Yeah I remember getting my period so fuckin what?
Ur not making any sense. Just drop it.
U fucking handed them to me to get a cab!
Wow. Yeah. What was I thinkin. Ur fucking jesus. Way to b. Im so very done discussing this absolute bullshit with u.
Once again, please dont forget anything really want to do this in one shot if you dont mind.
I tried to get you in cab to go home but you and gary were bein stupid. First gary calls you a cab then wanted you to stay. It would have take all night for u to sober up and I didn't want to be there anymore. I just wanted to go home. I cant tolerate being stuck somewhere I dont want to b. I didnt evenw ant to go to the fucking wedding in the first place. [which is why she brought a lovely dress and did her hair up amazing]
What time thursday will u b dropping my stuff off?
Midnight?R u serious? Why midnight? Thats kinda of a odd time...
Uhhhh k. U close the clinic that late huh? Hmmmm....
I guess midnight will have to be fine then. Just please do it. Im really gonna need everything for this weekend. Thnx.
Dont forhet my sisters bike.
Oh jesus. Drama queen. No one 'hates' u.

So that was from this week, this is from May 22-
Hi baby! Just wanted 2 say hello. Thats all. Bye now. take pictures. Xoxoxxx

That is what I miss :(

Txt madness

Jeremy
lol.I have a feeling you'd be afraid that life could pass you by bc someone was holding you back. i think you just need a very particular kind of women.
Michelle
I have an opinion if you want to hear it.
Jeremy
lol. a particular kind of lady, indeed. there's one someplace. probably bathing naked on the pacific crest trail or something.
Taryn
I've been over it. Never was mad inthe first place. Just bored. Indifferent.
Karli
Ok. Keep me posted :)
Taryn
Would be or will be?
Lindsay
Thanks darlin'! We're playing on friday at the morgue if you wanna come down :]
Beth
Were having an 80's party this sat, you must come!
Taryn
Call me tonight so I can figure out the details of my weekend
Merideth
What was up with the text last night
Rachel
Hehehe I was gonna say 'whats the occasion?" hehehe where to? I'm down
Jen
Did you want to go watch the game? I think I'm going to do downtown and watch it
Karli
How was your massage
Shelly
Gonna go out and get into trouble in that?
Karli
If you changed your minda bout inviting me out just let me know so I can make other plans
Rascal
being a nice guy is a good thing.... not all hot chicks like assholes.
Trust me , I like hot geeks
Merideth
Gotcha- is this girl from up where bryan lives
Karli
Nah i'm good. Putting my dresser together. Thanks tho!
Which I wish I could get video. Lol butter knifes are like duct tape. Work for everything
Merideth
K I can't keep up
Shelly
Hell yea when I get back into town we need to hang out lol
Merideth
Whatever I should get a huge box of condom so u will be safe
Jen
Not sure about noc non, I was thinking about making break tonight
Shelly
Haha does bp not include beer inyour universe?:-) granted i play with mix drinks
Merideth
Well that is good u know I have to put out there considering what I do for work
k good
Karli
What are you wearing to noc noc?
Shelly
Lol I missed the kidding the fuirst read through and was like whaaaaaat. Then was like no this man is high
Karli
Shut your face. Ur Really wearing teh tux? lol. Thats awesome
Pam
Fabulous picture! That woudlbe fun... I always wanted to check out the fourth over the water there too. Sadly never madeit. What's on the agenda tonight?
Daphne
Cute. What's going on this week?
Karli
Lol. Amazing. Whats the dress attire at this place? Thats what I''m looking for. Is it casual? Jeans, t-shirt, wedding dress, sweats, ball gown?
Daphne
What the fuck?!?! Thanks for telling me. To who?!
Pam
Lol and and how are you feeling about beings et up and shopped for
Jennie
K I'll see you shorly
Severina
Black ;)
Karli
:/ dressy w/ a goth twist. Interesting. Thanks btw
Shelly
Don't scare me like that making think you have gone crazy square and not your hippie self
Karli
Really? Did you really just send that. Lol
Sarah
How ever she wants!
Mike
Any chance you an run the black mower in the front? Thanks
Karli
Can I make a small request?
Sarah
are you rocking the tux?
Karli
Wondering if u wouldn't mind meeting me at my place and going w/ me. I have no clue where i'm going.
Bridget
Wat's-a-happenin'?
Karli
Booo! I'm so bored. Wish i was there.
Karli
You have a what? omg im so jealous! I've wanted one for years.
:)
Taryn
Ur a tard
Ben
Are the girls going with?
Karli
I'm going to call it a night
Severina
On our way!
Sarah
Waiting for sev to pick me up, shes on her way now...we should be there in 20 mins! ;)
Jennie
Hey thanks for letting me see the house. I found a place that fits my needs a little better (fenced yard for my puppy). good luck finding a new roomie!
Lulu
Hi nick. Is it cool if u meet up w us after the concert? Would you b able 2 drive so I can get my bike outta of ur truck? Ill buy you a drink if you do :)
Taryn
So im thinking it would b easier if I spent the night at your house on friday night. Are you gonna skip rehersal dinner?
Pam
Lol always a plus
Shelly
Sup
Taryn
Ok. Afterwork on sat can we r goin straigt to pride then yes?
Or do you have to go to jesses show? Kim just txt me about it. How long is it? We have to meet ariel and tom
Either way. Ariel and tom take forever anyway. how long is jesses show?
Kenzie
I have a show tomorrow at julias on broadway at 4-6. Free and in the beer garden!
Shelly
nice where you wera it yesterday
Heidi
Busy night! Beer? or bbq food? Nothing? Something? :)
Adam
Hi Nic how r u? I have text now so txt away
Pride in NY, la was a few weekends ago. Suked. Things are good. Busy as hell. Glad that we can chat now bcit's soo hard fore to talk on tele
Shelly
What place
Adam
Z galerie, internship and school. Nothingt o exciting or strenuous. u? Ohhh I live by runyon now
Taryn
Uhhh... that woudl be great but i'm coming up w lu and we're leaving depending on baby daddy schedule. Boo. I don't know y i have to suffer, I didn't shout out a kid :(
Karli
What are u up to?
Shelly
Nice super jealous can not wait til october, just bought a ninja turtle belt buckle

this is me being kinda lazy....
I should have done this for my meltdown,
but I enjoy the pleasant aftermath I'm in now.

Duality

of all the emotions bouncing around

my brain

no one really sticks

there is anger

frustration

then introspection

do i really need to loosen up

am i vanilla

when she says she is

am i to take anything seriously

or do i already

i have enjoyed the company

the solitary quiet

the boiling rage

the sweaty jostling

a soft giggle

a hard slap

taken all together

viewed with hindsight

fun overall

I laugh at the ridiculous

the pain

the shrieks of pleasure

like Vegas or Disney

numerous sensations

rolled up into a package

though

not as gimmicky

i shudder at the feeling inside

I wonder........

is this a path of madness

righteousness??

now a break

self reflection

meditate

what do i want??

am i a man swimming in chains

slowly wearing down

a quiet empty abyss

yawning to pull me down

suck me to its depths

they say drowning is a return

in utero

9 months getting out,

a lifetime getting back in.

My tail twitches in amusement.

My new tryst

Erotic arts,

Joose loosed,

a day of insight,

translates into

conversation starters.

Swans and flowers in sync,

she sees 1st love,

infatuation,

twitterpation.

That shiny gleam,

the new relationship smell.

She sees me.

I charm my way,

back to her friends,

a night flies by,

I sleep for 10 minutes,

rush home,

work like a zombie,

home to nap.

SEAF to reconnect.

Find a meat head on her arm.

Disappointment.

I wander,

meet new friends,

pop a pill for sensory enhancement.

Help heel abused feet,

network.

I woman climaxes under my touch,

under two writhing 'friends.'

Run into Taryn,

reconnect,

sort out the 'date' situation.

My confidence is resolved.

Until....

she is making out with him and her.

I go with the open spirit of the night.

Knowing who she will end it with.

Hoping.

Lose Taryn

at least its to her friends.

still....

I find the other her,

work my reflex magic,

'Would I be too forward asking for your number?'

Plans of a menois a troi- step 1.

Prove my skill.

Show the date.

She is disturbed by my demon eyes.

Home bound.

Reconnect,

bring home for another sleepless night.

At least I had foresight.

Work and rally North.

Disturb another roommate.

Road rage fueled drive home.

One day later and I'm back.

hooked...mutually.

Runaways,

comics,

baked salmon,

Claw marks,

music,

past proclivities revealed,

she's shocked I'm not.

Hedonist,

choking,

yelled at for sleeping.

I explain human physiology.

Wake up blissed and marked.

Plan the next few days of varied adventures.

A strange slumber

Another drunk night,

in a drunk week.

Meeting up with friends,

over beers.

End up at the Duchess again.

She Ra getting more compliments

than Cody.

Too Optimated.

Pretty girls caught my eyes,

I did not catch theirs.

Came home to pass out.

Woke up at 6am,

fully clothed,

on top of the blankets,

pounded some water,

a couple advil,

took the dogs out,

passed out again.

A dream,

a man backing over She Ra,

me busting him in the face.

Cops come as he laughs,

I swing the brake lock into his temple.

A killer blow that does no good.

I then realize I have assault,

to explain to the cops.

Woke up with a start.

Good thing it was a dream.

A life of [wasted] potential

I have a vision.
It isn't in a city,
there isn't a membership,
beyond those of a rich lifestyle.
I come across another retreat.
So exclusive,
you can't even apply online.
resumes are only accepting
on the rarest of parchment,
written in gold and saint blood.
I've always been a dreamer.
Envisioning myself places.
Either I've never made it,
or reality always falls short.
I know I am not proactive enough.
The hardest part of the journey is the beginning.
I think of giving up altogether.
Resigning to my normalcy.
I am not special.
I do not deserve to life I want.
Suck it up.
Work a job.
Pay the bills.
Die.
More often I just want to skip to step four.
What holds back the knife,
the gun,
the pills,
the ledge?
Connections?
The sadness such a selfish acts brings.
Because we all live in shit.
My ancestors suffered far worse.
Ambitions we simple,
a plot of land,
a fire to warm the bones,
a plate of food to fill the stomach.
Or is it the possibilities?
The adventures.
The road yet to travel.
A combination of the two.
Yet people also hold me back.
She-Ra holds me back.
So I think.
Or is it just another excuse,
something to blame,
other than my apathy.
I just found you can apply.
No blank forms,
just an email address.
An opportunity to set myself apart.
No gold type needed.
Just data and Easterday charm.